Your 2014 sorority girl Halloween costume guide

Halloween is right around the corner yet again & sorority girls around the country are stressing on what to be. Every female member of greek life has been debating for the past two months on how to stand out, be classy, and show up the enemy sororities trashy skanks. Girls take this holiday seriously. I’m pretty convinced they even have secretive Ven Diagram brainstorming meetings. Hell, Halloween may even be as serious as BID DAYYYY!

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Just kidding, that’s like saying the second Aunt Vivian on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was better. Although these sisters are coming together to create a united front and take home the reputation of best costumes across campus, bigs & littles are meticulously plotting on how to show each other up at the same damn time. Being the best sorority on campus isn’t good enough for these gals, they need to be the best in the sorority. Frogs, turtles, anchors, secrets, and twin rules are out the window on this occasion and it’s all fair game.

Unfortunately I’m going to have to let you down here and tell you that once again you will see very few unique Halloween costumes this year. After all the plotting and planning endured these girls were way too loaded up with jungle juice from the mixers and never made it out of bed in time to go to Jo-ann Fabrics to get their materials. Too much time was spent scrubbing the gook off of their frat feet and they forgot that they had a midterm to study for tomorrow, leading them to the library for their Starbucks and the opportunity to flirt with the cute barista that gives them free macchiatos because he thinks he actually has a chance. Not to spoil the surprise but here is the ranking of what you’ll be seeing this Halloween weekend:

  1. The seductive cop: I don’t think much explanation is necessary here. These girls were all over Amazon two weeks before Halloween and even had to send the first costume back because it wasn’t tight enough.”It totally didn’t show off the butt that I squatted for 2 times a month, ya know?”
  2. Animal Ears: Every year we see copious amounts of animal ears and it somehow doesn’t match with the rest of the outfit. I mean come on girls, if you’re donning cat ears at least get a tail! Even the whiskers you’ve drawn on resemble a daddy long leg on your face. Maybe this will be the year that we finally figure out what animal comes equipped with a corset, one rabbit ear, one cat ear, and ripped up stockings.
  3. Disney Princesses: Oh yeah, I didn’t forget about this. Jasmine, Belle, & Ariel, but sexier! What a unique way to bring the boys back to their childhood loves by dressing up as a sexual classy princess. Oxymoron? Yes.
  4. A recycled ABC mixer costume: I know you’re a broke college kid but you were the loofah two weeks ago and the picture is tagged on facebook as proof!! At least be like the girl who was the same Christmas present but just changed the wrapping paper!
  5. Something current: Remember Miley Cyrus’ VMA shenanigans and the explosion of Halloween costumes that came from that? She set it off with “Wrecking Ball” as well and girls all over hopped on that. Every year there are a few big current events that create awesome possibilities for costumes but ladies BE WARNED: you will not be the only one so please don’t glare at the girl that has every right to be wearing the same costume as you considering you probably saw it on Pinterest anyways.

Honorable Mentions: “The professional female basketball player”, Minions, Indians, Mario/Luigi, and the incredibly creative “Drunk 1, Drunk 2”.

Now ladies I don’t want you to take this offensively, us fraternity men could have the same ranking done to us on our stereotypical Douchiness and be able to laugh it off. No need to go find a way to recreate CollegeACB.com and attempt to tarnish my name. Feelings were hurt on some of those threads (Sorry Sigma Kappa, it truly wasn’t me). I was even lucky enough to be able to be a sweetheart for Delta Gamma and I’d be one hell of a boring friend if I didn’t find a creative way to throw some shade at our young, wild days. Me and Bittner even have the most typical sorority/fraternity picture of all time.

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But just remember this Halloween, if you don’t want to end up like this guy……

Lay off the jungle juice, get creative and don’t settle for these guaranteed costumes that will be wandering the streets in the coming weeks.

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